Wednesday, April 3, 2013


Yesterday was a bleh day. Sometimes you just have days like that. I did some work - hated everything I did and have already started re-writing it - and tried to spend some time with my lady friends I'm producing this short film, Uggs For Gaza, with, but I wasn't great company.  I blame my horoscope entirely. It predicted I would be impotent and unable to express myself.

I don't like being impotent.  Yesterday I needed Viagra for the soul.

Do they make that? And if they do, does it cause heart palpitations and cardiac arrest in exchange for a soul boner?

Because maybe I don't want a soul boner that badly.

Soul boners aside (or astride), today was better. I got more work done and I had a real laughing jag over my coining of the term 'soul boner' - although I'm sure someone else has already coined it and I'm just riding coattails. 

Still, today is a minor bleh day, as well. Not that I blame my horoscope. Today it said I would have peace of mind. So, there's that, at least.


Tuesday, April 2, 2013

I Am Working

I didn't stay in bed all day like I planned. I got up, took a shower, brushed my teeth...well, you get the picture. Now I'm sitting here writing. I'm supposed to be writing book stuff, but instead I am writing this blog while I listen to Billy Bragg and Wilco doing 'California Stars'.

Being creative for a living is a blessing, but sometimes - like today - I look at the guy sitting next to me and wish I was the one holding a little box of tools, that I went from job to job, fixing things, having a finite time to my work, so that when I was done for the day, I was done.

I am never done. I am always at work.

I used to feel terribly guilty whenever I goofed off - I SHOULD BE WORKING! - but this has subsided some as I've gotten older and realized that work is not everything. Work does not define me (yes, it does) and it's okay to have a life (no, it's not).

You can't write things, act things, make things...if all you do is work. You have to experience life. You have to laugh like an idiot, you have to sob like your soul is pouring out your eyes, you have to listen to the silence and revel in the noise...all of this is integral to creating.

I forget this sometimes. I get caught up in the work.

Alcohol (in moderation), good friends, food, music, movies, books...these are the things that remind me work is not everything. Life is fleeting. It is here and then gone so quickly we are idiots if we don't enjoy at least a little bit of it.

Tomorrow I will think about staying in bed all day. I will maybe luxuriate in being under my brown comforter that leaks feathers. I will maybe stay in my PJ's until it gets dark outside.

Today I am working. I swear it.

I am working.

It's A Small World After All, Fish Face

So...I totally got called out for my blog post (Game Playing, Yo!) yesterday. And it's my own fault because I should know way better than this. When you post something on a public blog, one that anyone or anything in the universe can read, well, be prepared to answer for your words.

Which is exactly what happened yesterday when the texting dude in question called me up to tell me someone he knew had forwarded him my post - EEEEK!  (Yes, I now have to admit the post was written because of one experience,
in particular, BUT I want to qualify this by saying that, though I may
have been too harsh a judge in this instance, I still one hundred
percent stand behind what I wrote. I have experienced the 'texting disinterest" game before and have actually talked to a few dudes about it, confirming that once the hunt was over for them, they weren't interested anymore.)

Moderately Confused Fish-Face Amber


I am an extremely verbal person. One who is very, very very rarely rendered speechless. This was one of those rare moments. I think I might've said 'uhm' really fast like ten times in a row then I might've also opened and closed my mouth like a silent codfish for a few minutes - which, thankfully, the guy in question could not see because we were on the phone. (Believe me when I say that confused fish face Amber is an unsettling sight to behold.)

The guy in question could very easily have silently stewed over what I wrote. He could've written me a nasty text or called to yell at me. He could've even completely ignored me like forever and ever and ever and ever.

INSTEAD he was kind and gracious. He said he was glad I'd written the post so that he had some insight into what I was thinking. I won't go into detail, but, basically, we worked out the kinks and I think we will continue to be text buddies for a long time to come. Mostly because he chose to be open-minded and to communicate with me...and to give me the benefit of the doubt when I hadn't done the same for him.

In this case, I was wrong. I jumped to conclusions.

The lesson learned is to take each experience I have, individually, not expecting any of them to be a repeat of the last.

Seems pretty basic, right? Wrong.

Oh, and I might still need to go to that nunnery, take a vow of silence, learn that sometimes silence can be golden.

By the way, can you still text when you take a vow of silence?