Friday, March 29, 2013

Game Playing, Yo!

I am not a game player. It puts me at a disadvantage. Especially when it comes to dating. With my friends, it's a different bag. I am not counted out for being honest about who I am or what I want - but when it comes to dating and romantic stuff...jeeza-louisa.

Is there some rule book that I didn't get? Because it feels like there's this rigid framework in place that I totally have not been clued into.

It's not a big deal. It doesn't make me sad or angry...more like confused and uncertain.

So many dudes talk about how difficult women are, how they can't get laid, they can't get a girlfriend or even a date...well, I'm here to tell you that it's not limited to men. Women deal with the same stuff. We're just quiet about it.

Scratch that. We're not quiet about it, we talk ad nauseum about it to our girlfriends, but we don't write blog posts about it (well, maybe a few) or put it out there in the pop culture medium (well, a few do - to their credit). I think finding a partner - or, Hell, just someone to go see a movie with - is difficult all the way around. For everyone.

But it's the game playing that kills me. I just can't do it.

There's this whole weird thing where you're supposed to pretend like you're not interested in someone so that they work really hard to get your attention.

For example, there's like some archaic rule that if you don't reply to some dude's texts, he will - I swear to God - literally text you non-stop a whole, one-sided conversation that you never once have to reply to and by the end of it he's like begging you to go out with him. But if you make the mistake of even once replying back during his frenzy...then he immediately stops texting you.

Game over.

So what am I supposed to do? Be a pretend texting fisherman? Trying to hook some poor guy with my disinterest and then coming in for the kill after letting him text himself into oblivion?

Ugh.

I like you. You like me. Seems like a really simple concept, right?

Wrong.

Makes me want to get myself to a nunnery. At least you're safe from all the bullshit there.

Because God doesn't text.


20 comments:

  1. Human relationships seem so absurd - are absurd - despite our wish to distance ourselves from the animal kingdom, our courting rituals are even more ridiculous and complicated. I think a cup of tea and a quiet body of inland water at twilight (a still lake or a wide and slow moving river perhaps) are infinitely preferable.

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  2. Game playing sucks.

    Crazy rules are crazy. Some of them have truth to them; some of them are just "Hey, look at how I can toy with someone I don't care about!"

    Why would you *want* to date someone who sends you texts repeatedly when you don't text them?

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  3. "... like some archaic rule that if you don't reply to some dude's texts ..."

    I find it funny that something involving texts could be considered an archaic rule (texting wasn't even a thing back when I was dating, and I'm not *that* old).

    People that play those kind of games will continue with that crap throughout a relationship, so you're better off finding that out up front. Finding people that don't play those kinds of games - that's the trick.

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  4. I hope this doesn't qualify as spam!

    I'm not streetwise when it comes to dating. So I don't even know the alleged rules of the "game" maybe I'm just naive? It just seems odd to me that two adults can't say "do you want meet for lunch, a movie" etc. As for the nunnery don't do it I'd miss your sense of humour you always make me smile.

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  5. "Because God doesn't text."

    According (Christian) believers he kinda did. Then 325AD God's editors had a meeting at Nicaea and created a book from his texts.

    And ever since Christians have tried to figure out what kind of game God was playing...

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  6. I have a similar problem. I don't play games. Worse, I'm an introverted nerd, so often I'm not even aware that other people are trying to play games with me.

    I'll never forget something my older brother, Eric, once said to me. I was reading the bestselling 1964 book, "Games People Play". Eric comes into my room, picks up the book, and jokingly says, "See, Leif, this is your problem! You need to learn to start playing these games!!!" (As I recall, the book has little to say about romantic relationships, though.)

    So you see, years ago, when I called "Loveline" and asked you out on a date, had you taken me up on my offer, you wouldn't have had these problems ;-) (Sorry, couldn't resist.) But then I guess there wasn't much texting back then, if at all.

    Speaking of dating and relationships, I just broke up with my girlfriend/wife of 8.5 years. All the many replies to your "Why Are Relationships So Hard?" post have been providing excellent, thought-provoking reading lately (I'm only one-half of the way through). So thanks to everyone for that.

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    Replies
    1. Sex in Human Loving is the Eric Berne book related to romantic relationships. It's dated but still very good :)

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  7. Hey lady! Its the wonderful Gillian from wondercon last year. Its my birthday and all our friends have kids and or dont enjoy fun and stimulating conversation. You and yours should join my guy and I for a brew by the beach this weekend, we are over in costa mesa:) We can talk about cats, cats, and other important things. Gillianpagerowe@gmail.com

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  8. Sad but true...humanity is severely effed up. I can usually avoid dealing with people who play "the game" (in all honesty they usually leave me alone cause I piss them off). Why can't we as people (the human race), blessed by our creator or evolution (I don't really care what y'all believe on that, not what this is about) with the gift of speech so we can communicate, just say what we want instead of trying to be what we think someone else MIGHT want, in the end we usually just push each other away. Anyway that's my two bits...take it as you will.

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  9. At least you've got someone to play the game with, even if you don't want to.

    38 years old and never been on a date. Ever. Follow that to its logical conclusion.

    Seems like an awful lot of effort, though, just to spend time with a person.

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  10. Y'know, when I read your title, I thought this was going to be lamenting the fact that you don't play World of Warcraft or whatever, while all the guys you try to date are big fans and talk about nothing else...

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  11. If you don't want to fish, don't fish. The thing about games is that you can always cheat your way to the end.

    So the guy with the one-sided texts, all you have to do is interrupt him by asking him out. Let's go out for lunch tomorrow (or breakfast)something not happening at night, unless it's a concert with a really^3 good band, just make sure it's your idea.

    Daylight says friendly, no high expectations, it's safe and if the guy really does like you then he will agree to the date. Night has too many unseen variables.

    Have fun. Break some game rules. Take charge. Don't be too honest with your feelings 'cause sometimes even the nice guys will freak out, just never lie if they ask you a serious question.

    And there you have 'the ultimate cheat codes to playing the dating game' or, in actuality, 'how to date without playing games'.

    Sincerely, |GODMODE|

    p.s. Hope this eases confusion.
    p.s.s. Oooooo Tumblr's back online, yay.

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  12. I enjoyed reading; 'I'm not a Gameplayer'. It made me laugh. I too am totally baffled about how such things go completely wrong. I look forward to reading much more.

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  13. I'm not convinced God doesn't text.

    I am, however, convinced that people make things way too complicated. I never bothered with playing games ... of course, I never had a lot of dates, either. Something about being a nice guy who was open and didn't play games seemed to turn women off.

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  14. I think the ultimate "Level Up" in game-playing (regarding dating, obviously) is to find a Player 2 who doesn't play games to begin with. If two people who like each other play said games, they end up liking or disliking each other based on the masks they're wearing rather than their genuine selves.
    Therefore, my humble teenage advice is to be yourself, because that's worth at least 10 extra lives and it also makes you awesome! :)

    Good Luck :) x

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  15. I've never been interested in that whole game... When i met my wife I decided that I would do the opposite of what I would do normally. We sat on a patio, lit by strung lights and ambient lamps, just revealing our lives to one another. I was very honest about my feelings (some would call it being forward), and I even announced when I was going for the kiss. We got married a year later, and now have a 4 year old daughter. Moral of the story- the first time I stopped playing the dating game was the day I met my wife.

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  16. They didn't have Twitter in the 70s and 80s but you've my empathy; I never "got" or even *knew* the rules either. I've been too broke for ralationhsips the past 12 years anyway but don't miss it.

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  17. I feel you! It's hard even making friends, not to mention dating!

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  18. I've had no issues making my interests known.

    That said, I can scale back the marriage proposal to coffee when we're in the same city sometime.

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  19. Make more frinds by playing online unity games, I prefer shooters games in unity 3d.

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