Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine's Day - Shoot An Arrow In My Butt

There is something about this Valentine's holiday that seems false, something that seems tailor made for Hallmark and the flower growers of America and Hershey's.

Corporations - I am not just a consumer. I am a human being. Just because a candy heart says BE MINE doesn't mean I belong to anyone, but myself. And I think that's enough. I think it's alright to not need someone in your life to give you cards and flowers and candy.

I think a smile from a toothless homeless man sitting in front of the grocery store should be enough. Because outside of everything and everyone else...I am okay by myself. We should all be okay by ourselves. We are wonderful and we should love ourselves, as individuals, accordingly.

Happy Valentine's Day to me and to you. You and I are worth a smile and the knowledge that we are loved.

That's enough.


  1. It is definitely more than enough - for me at least. Especially if a smile and a polite 'Hello' from a stranger is something that you can receive any day of the year.

  2. Happy Valentines Day to you too :-)

  3. Amen. 'course, I don't know anything different, but amen nonetheless.

  4. Right back atcha' missy. And thank you for this.

  5. i tired to touch upon how pointless of a holiday Valentine's day is to me on my blog earlier.
    it is all rather silly.
    happy belated VD (heh)

  6. I wish I felt the same way about myself as you do about yourself and others Amber. Its a great notion, being comfortable and happy with yourself (which is different from vanity) but I'm nowhere close to it as yet. I still consider you a role model and a guiding light to get there though.

  7. Personally, Amber, I think you have to be comfortable with who you are and love yourself before you can ever be ready to love anyone else. I spent my entire Valentine's Day blog entry trying to pass on a little advice to that effect to guys who are more concerned with the hunt than finding something with meaning. Thanks again and happy Valentine's Day, even if it is a day late!

  8. Love yourself as you would others. Love others as you would yourself. Be the love that others want. Be the love that you want. Then there will be love.

  9. Although, instead of shooting an arrow in your butt, have you tried maybe sometime less violent, like love taps?

  10. I used to celebrate Valentine's day, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

  11. I love several people. I am loved back. I celebrate Valentine's Day, as a reminder to stop getting bogged down in the trivialities of life, bills, job, school, etc., and recognize the relationships that enhance my life. Not just the romantic ones.

    Whenever I see or hear lines like, "You complete me," I think that someone shouldn't be in a relationship. None of the other people I love complete me, *I* complete me. Other people enhance my enjoyment of life, but I don't need them to enjoy life. And as sad as it may be, that goes for everyone from parents, to children, to friends, and chosen family.

  12. So this is gunna be in parts. you told me you love my babble...well, welcome to babble...

    I'm very glad I put my phone on silent last night! My blogger updates me anytime one of my "followed" posts & seeing as it was 1am my time & I was dreaming (not too bad dreams actually...wink wink - Shay Mitchell...totally hot) as well as being suffocated by my kitten - who decided that my chest/throat area was his pillow - I would have probably killed my iPhone had I woken up to "beep beep beep". LOL

    This V-day was a lil off for me as well. It's the first V-day that I have been single since that's what? 9 years? Usually my ex gf & I always made a huge deal about v-day. She adored the holiday whereas I just adored her, so i was willing to do anything to make her smile. It seems that is the case a lot, however, personally, I've never understood the v-day concept. Then again, holiday's & I don't mix. I think all the major holidays - except Halloween...Halloween is just awesome - have been so commercialized that society forgets why there is even a celebration in the first place. However, V-day is probably one of the worst.

    All the young teenager girls (& guys) get it into their heads that unless they have "someone special" they aren't good enough. They start believing the idea that if they were good enough then someone would love them. I had an issue of this not too long ago with one of the girls I mentor. She's 22 & so devastated because she hasn't found true love. She's not really been in a long-term relationship & she's completely depressed by it. So last week I took her to dinner & bought her a Bahamaa Mama so I could sit & talk with her. I asked her why it was so important for her to be with someone. Her answer? "Because if no one wants to be with me, then I'm...I don't know, Its like I'm not beautiful or not special - which I'm not. I'm not beautiful or anything - but I guess I'm just not lovable".

    I sat & gaped at her. Here sits this beautiful young woman who has so much laid out in front of her & she thinks she is unlovable because she hasn't been in a "successful" relationship by age 22????? I couldn't believe what I was hearing...not only because it was completely absurd, but more so because it reminded me that not even 6 months ago I would have probably answered similarly.

  13. It wasn't long ago that I began soul searching & realizing that unless I was able to love myself - completely & truly - then I was never going to be happy. I've been in some type of relationship since I was 18 & I've been miserable for most of it. Over November & December I was completely alone. There was no one at my house & I was forced to deal with many of my demons & come to conclusions about a lot of things. So now, I'm learning that I'm okay. I'm not perfect...but I am perfectly flawed. I may not be a size 2 - but honestly, how many "Real" people are? Our beauty & essence does not come from how thin we are or if we have wrinkles or no wrinkles. It comes from our own individual uniqueness. It's something I try to instill into Joe aka AmberAddict when we talk. That beauty & "loveability" isn't defined as easily as "your 200lbs, you're unlovable" or "you don't have the perfect face - you're unlovable".

    I may not always like myself. I am allowed to be mad at myself. But when I look in the mirror for the first time in 20 years I don't hate myself & that's a big step. I used to be one of those ppl that relied on others to fulfill me, but I was never truly fulfilled. I had to complete myself. I think that's one major reason why so many ppl remain unhappy. They can't or won't (or don't know how) to love themselves.

    There is a painting by Laurel Holloman called "She Burns My Eyes". It is the most invigorating painting that I've seen in a long long time. I am speechless every time I look at it. One of my friends said "its a woman fucking herself...whats so special about that?" I just laughed. It represents so much more than that - at least I thought & from interviews, Laurel thought as well. It's about self love, not sex. It's a very powerful piece.

    So this year, I bought myself chocolate covered strawberries & I ate my strawberries, curled up in a blanket with my kitty & watched a movie. I enjoyed myself. I hope that you did something of the same - enjoyed yourself. one can make you feel inferior without your consent & you are unique, beautiful & amazing. There's only one "you". Love yourself wholeheartedly. =)

  14. So with all that babble... (I seriously don't know how to shut up) I thought i would tell you something I found funny. So you know how I've been telling you I'm getting a lot of your books sold down here at my lovely (ugh) workplace..AKA Arizona St. U??? well, I come into work & got dragged into a corner by a girl who is now on SS...i think she's in love with Callie actually, but anyways... she said "SAM! where do I know her from???" I just looked at her. "Know who from where, Jackie?" "The picture...where do I know her from??? I know those eyes! Why do I know those eyes?" I just laughed & replied "Google her." Went & sat at my desk & got ready for my day. Fifteen minutes later, there is an excited shriek followed by "NO WAY!" & "OMG" coming from behind my desk. I then get this instant message... "Amber Benson...I can't believe I didn't make the connection. Amber Benson. wow. Like, seriously! OMG. I thought I knew her! She was on GRYPHON!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! do you think you can take me to the signing? Do you think she'd date me? Omg She's the hottest woman on the planet. Esp in that armor"

    So totally not what I was expecting..... I was expecting "o she's from buffy"... nope. Another 15 minutes ago by & I get "SHE WAS ON BUFFY???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? who was she on buffy???" *face-palm*

    So there ya go! According to a girl in AZ, you are the "hot armor covered girl from Gryphon" & a no-named face from Buffy. Not to mention, I guess a 19 year old girl wants a date with you....

  15. Awwww. I was kind of hoping that this post wouldn't be about Valentine's Day...being an annoyed woman, I choose to ignore Valentine's Day, though pretending it doesn't exist isn't making it go away...Anyway, at least we agree on the fact that we don't need to be in a relationship to be accomplished. :D

  16. Your blog post reminded me of this video, so I thought I'd share.
    How To Be Alone:
    Happy Valentine's Day Amber :)

  17. Yeah. This is true. Plus those candy hearts are like chalk. What is *that* about? Bleh.

  18. Joe aka AmberAddictFebruary 16, 2012 at 2:23 PM

    I have to admit the title of this blog post conjured up some strange and very funny images in my mind! :-)

    Romance and I don't go together but that's a totally different story that I won't go into here. If you love someone then it's about what you do over the rest of the year to show them how you feel not just on one day where people buy heart-shaped rubbish.

    I'm a single person myself with a face like mine it's hardly a shock but I digress I have lots of interests and a nice group of friends. So why do I need romance in my life? The answer is I don't however I was disappointed in myself because on the 14th I rued not having someone in my life.

    I'll leave the final word on Valentine's Day to Buffy Summers as she said it best in Bewitched Bothered and Bewildered.

    "Oh, Valentine's Day is just a cheap gimmick to sell cards and chocolate."


  19. It should be enough, shoudn`t? Small things Little things, small gestures of kindness...on a daily basis..yeah thats how should be! :)

  20. I agree completely. I was surprised that even here in New Zealand people are gaga for Valentine's Day. My co-workers were surprised I don't really celebrate it. "But you're American! Don't you celebrate everything?!?"

    Every day I try to make people feel special. I succeed more often than not and I'm happy with that.

  21. Being able to love myself is problematic; I know me all too well.

    As for love of others (other than family members)...unrequited or unrequitable love is preferable to no love at all. Provided one doesn't get all mired in, or creepystalkery, about it.

    A belated Valentine's wish to you; give yourself a hug, or get one. Or both. (Not wishywashy at all...)

  22. Not to be too serious, but such few relationships as I've had tended to make me feel diminished rather than engage in sharing. I admit I'm an egomaniac who needs soem trimmign back in places but I'm tired of involving myself with people who don't consider me a person. Not that I've had the money to pursue any social life for the past 11 years, anyway, but the emotional unreadiness puts the capper on it. DaddyCatALSO

  23. I'm a little late on the response to this but I think this couldn't have been said any better. Thank you for your Words of inspiration and encouragement.


  24. I guess this info is totally unique.
    Valentine Friends

  25. i think that in this case everything depends on personality. If you try to make something special, everything can change. I have some other ideas here:
    Valentine's hint.
    By the way, I followed you up with GFC, it'd be great if you follow me back.