Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Importance Of Kicking The Crap Outta Being Earnest

I'm tired of being the Earnest Girl.

Earnest Girl is my default when I'm in a public forum. It's the 'go to' facet of my personality, the mature, thoughtful part of me who (tries) to say all the right things and make people happy. It's great to trot Earnest Girl out and just click into autopilot, letting her charm people, win over critics - or make them even more insistent if they're so inclined - all with the assurance that she won't get me into any serious kind of trouble.

She's a great gal and I love her dearly, but she's safe and she's easy (not like that!) and she's only a sliver of who I am, really. Earnest Girl gets shelved when I'm relaxed and just being myself because like everyone else out there in the world, I'm a contradiction in terms. I have Earnest Girl all tied up with Silly Girl and Obnoxious Girl and Bitchy Girl...and that's just the tip of the iceberg: it's like Multiple Personality Ping Pong.

With that said, the reason I'm telling you all of this, giving you a little insight into myself, if you will, is that I'd like to retire Earnest Girl from this blog. Maybe every now and then she will make a guest appearance and ask you to do something serious or help out with some charitable cause or get up on a soapbox and preach at you a little bit - but for the most part she will be busy doing other things while Silly, Obnoxious and Bitchy take over the running of this space.

So if you laugh when you read what's on display here then you are on the right track. Once in a blue moon there will be something serious said, but really stop and think about the ridiculousness of the subject matter before you decide to lump it into the Earnest Girl column.*

Ah, I feel better. You can go back to your regularly scheduled life now.


*For the record I like my face as it is and I could give a crap about automatic faucets vs. manual toilets (okay, I do give a crap, but only in the more literal turn of the phrase)


  1. I once said I am a contradiction and probably the biggest contradiction on the planet. However, someone very wise told me that I am not a contradiction, I am eclectic. Even though one day I may be wanting to wear a skirt and nice top and the next day I'm wearing a 10 year old pair of boys Tommy Hilfiger's and a band tee. I may say "I LOVE THIS" and by the afternoon it disgusts me.

    So bring on the other parts of your personality! I'm sure everyone will enjoy the "Fresh air". So many people try to censor themselves for the sake of others'. When i first started my blog, I made sure everyone was aware that its just me - however I feel that day. I have many important things that I am setting out to do - I'm a pre-med student hoping to find a cure for autism - but I can't be serious all the time. While I have my work, I also have many sides of me that need to burst through.

    So, in all of this uninvited babbling - I conclude with a "yay" and "you go girl".

    (one i start writing, it can be very hard for me to shut up, so sorry!)

  2. I welcome all the girls that make Amber Benson

  3. I laughed in the right spot...YAY I can still read this blog!!! Looking forward to less earnest and more 'Sybil.'

    So, I have to share this with you...earlier today I had to use public restroom. It was a single private all in one. Auto toilet, sink AND paper dispenser. Anyway, the toilet didn't flush and I had to push the button on the side to manually flush it. I started laughing because all I could think about was your blog post. So, thanks for "dumping" earnest girl! This is much better and brings me happiness in public restrooms.

  4. Aw, you guys are awfully sweet to a silly old girl like me :) And, Samantha, bring on the babble...I love it!

  5. Ah, Earnest Girl. I house her as well, and she gets me in trouble. Well, the kind of trouble where I don't say what I think and end up feeling like a doormat.

    A year or so ago I ordered a huckleberry margarita but asked for it to be made with vodka, as tequila makes me barfy. It came out with tequila, and I wasn't going to send it back (I've spent years paying dues as a server, and I hate making more work for others in the biz) until my husband made me.

    Now when he sees Earnest Girl getting in my way in other situations, he says, "Emmie. Send the damn margarita back."

  6. I too like all sides of you Amber. Silly and Earnest are fun, Bitchy is cool when at the right people. I think some of us, myself included, dont read sarcasm as well as others and for that I apologise.

  7. Farewell Ernest Girl!

    Don’t be too hard on yourself we all like to put our best foot forward so to speak and know I do it too without thinking. I’m cautious about letting people see my not so nice sides of myself. I grantee you wouldn’t like them not that I’m saying you like the person now I am now because why would you? I’m rambling but you get the idea I hope!

    If you want make a change I’ll happily come along for the ride! So bring on Silly Girl, Obnoxious Girl and Bitchy Girl I can handle them! LOL

  8. Amber, that is what we are here for, we're not hear just for Earnest Girl. She is for press events mostly where there are fans of other actors/writers involved in the project.

    We want to know "The Real" Amber Benson, we're willing to let Serious Girl make us uncomfortable with a little too much reality or hear Silly Girl tell a joke that falls flat.

    That is the attitude of Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer and Violet Blue, whose blogs I love as much as I want to love your blog.

  9. I used to think I had a personality disorder until I realised that all the different sides of me are just me I still surprise myself when another part of my personality comes out. But I now know there's a place and time for every part of me. So you go girl! Be who you want to be, when you want to be, be true to yourself, be you, be Amber..
    It makes sense to me.... Just be be be!
    If I'm waffling on, well that's just chatty me ;)

  10. For those of us that like the vicarious peek into the lives of people that do things we do not, we welcome your choice to suppress Earnest Girl. Too many public figures feel compelled to bring Earnest Girl or Boy with them whenever they leave the privacy of their close circle of friends and family; a completely natural reaction. Speaking for myself, I look forward to hearing what silly, smart, thoughtful, and bitchy things you have to say without Earnest Girl in tow.

  11. You're writing a lot lately, and I really like it. Whoever will write (Silly or Bitchy, or any other Amber) I'm sure I'll love to read, because you've got incredibly readable style. I think you could write about how you opened a jar the other day, and I still would enjoy. And laugh a lot, as I usually do.

  12. I AM earnest girl almost full time. She's hard to shake when she's been in control for 40 years. She's what makes it difficult for me to socialize and be in public, I feel the need to be nice and accommodating to everyone even when I feel exactly the opposite.

    So far the only success I've had in dumping her is when the depression gets worse, then I just don't give a crap.
    This turned into a quite bummer of a post.

    All that being said, I look forward to hearing the thoughts and musings of all the other "girls" that live in your head. And I did laugh while reading this one. Thanks for that.

    Nancy T.

  13. Amber, I'm going to yell at you, yet hope that you were only using it as an expression... you're not old, so don't say that. =) <-- that's about as harsh as i can scold you. Pretty funny how I can scold my 18 month old with more enthusiasm!

    Again ^^^^ babble... so I'm glad you love it.

  14. Don't worry, you don't have multiple personalities, you're just a high self-monitor(!). Earnest Girl is just your "other-directedness" comming out; good to dump that, because that = neurotic.(Yay, my three year thesis is validated! Or not.).

    PS: First blog of yours I've read (directed from Twitter). Gotta say, love your dry whit and allusion to British literature! Had me roll'n on the floor!

  15. There's a Bitchy Girl? She sounds a bit more interesting than Earnest Girl, let's meet her. :)

  16. I can honestly say that I fully understand. Whenever I'm arround the people I love (or the people I hate) I tend to put crap in. I always pretend to be all modest and serious, and I'm really not. Today I realized that people stare at me in awe whenever I curse, and I think to myself "what the hell?" So, apparently, I'm both goodie-goodies in the eye of the public. Ain't that sick? Anyways, that what this made me think of. Flush that toilet.

  17. Amber, this post reminds me of an old t-shirt I picked up at a Daytona Bike Week back in (I think?) 1994. It was black with the letters "D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F." on the front of it.

    "Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck?" Nothing's wrong with being earnest when YOU feel it. But whether it's getting nervous pitching a project, or writing a blog, or whatever it is that makes you FEEL like "people" are expecting something out of you as "earnest girl", then keep in mind that the worst they can do is judge you. They can't kill you and eat you; that's against the rules. So relax and be honest to yourself first, and then let those around you know they can do the same. Who knows; SOME of them will be complete pricks about it, but SOME of them may just relax too and maybe start to listen to what you are saying rather than projecting whatever image THEY expect you to be, because they see YOU expecting to be it from yourself? And the ones who don't like it? D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. to them, too.

  18. Susannah Tucson, AzDecember 22, 2011 at 3:56 PM

    I loved this post and I am so happy that you are telling Earnest Girl to shove off and make room for all the other facets of your personality. I've only had the pleasure of meeting you once, but I can definitely say that one of your most remarkable traits as a human being and actress is to connect with your fans and the people around you. Taking the chance and opening up on such a public forum is both risky and ballsy, but I think that it will pay off in the end. Truth be told, I think that it is a benefit to anyone who follows you to know more about the 'real' you and see less of the Earnest Girl public face that you sometimes have to put on. Bravo girl!

  19. Great idea! D'C'A'

  20. You're writing a lot lately, and I really like it. Whoever will write (Silly or Bitchy, or any other Amber) I'm sure I'll love to read, because you've got incredibly readable style. I think you could write about how you opened a jar the other day, and I still would enjoy. And laugh a lot, as I usually do.