There was such an air of neglect in the house this morning that I was more than happy to head over to Culver City and pretend to be a corpse for the day. Apparently, I have a knack for playing dead people. Pretty amazing that a girl with hard core thanatophobia issues is always lying on her back (or front), dead and/or dying. Do I look like I want to be dead? Because it seems that that's the vibe I'm giving off.
It used to be nerdy, shy girls...that was my 'go to' place...but somehow, over the years, this has morphed into blue-lipped dead ladies. Maybe it's the wrinkles on my forehead? When you get wrinkles, does that mean you're only good to play dead people? I watched Charlize Theron in Young Adult and, I swear to God, no matter what horror she inflicted or had inflicted on her, her forehead never creased. Never moved once. I was so fascinated by this wonderment that I spent the entire movie on forehead watch.
Now, I love Charlize Theron, she's a great actress - and maybe she's just genetically predispositioned not to be a forehead wrinkler - but Goddamnit, it was unnerving and it made it really hard for me to focus on the movie.
And it made me start to wonder if I was playing deadies because I had forehead wrinkles.
I started thinking about how to get rid of my dead girl tell. It began to obsess me. So I looked online...
Holy crapola!! They want me to inject things in myself...cut myself at the edge of my scalp and pull my face over my head...ugh...not interested...not because it's gross (it is)...but because I am scared of sharp things - pretty ridiculous coming from a girl who's been shot, stabbed, strangled and bludgeoned for money.
Then I found the thing that was for me.* Something I could do at home. It was ironic that the information came via a woman who looked like she'd blown off the 'thing you could do at home' in favor of one of the injecting/cutting options, but oh, well...
Just FYI: I started doing the exercises right here in the coffee shop I'm sitting in writing this...and I think it's already working, if the stares of adulation I'm getting are any indicator.
So, peeps, when you think of me, think of me fondly and think of me doing my at home deep forehead wrinkle exercises...and pray that if I do them well enough and long enough, the powers that be will let me play a MILF instead of a soulless corpse - hallelujah!
*Uhm, this is the very next video in the cue and it scared me.