Friday, December 16, 2011

Bringing Sexy Back - Sorry JT, But This Kicks Your Ass

I have something very serious to address here in this post. Something that should not be taken lightly, nor should it make you laugh:

And this serious issue is the disparity between manual flush toilets and their automatic faucet brethren.

We, as a society, are being overrun by automatic appliances: computers, washing machines, parking meters, coffee makers, self-check out stations at the grocery store...and it seems that this evolution, this continuation in 'progress' is here to stay - whether we like it or not.

But if you are going to automate the world then, please, for God's sake, have a little consistency. If you are going to install an automatic faucet - one whose heat/cold/pressure output cannot be controlled by the user, mind you* - then you better damn well have an automatic toilet, too.

An automatic faucet in a public or semi-public restroom connotes that there will be an automatic toilet in the stall. It's just plain logic, folks...or, at least you think it would be plain logic.*

I cannot tell you how many times I have humiliated myself in front of strangers when they enter a stall after I've 'relieved' myself only to see them recoil in disgust at my failure to manually flush (yes, I know it's a shocker, but I do sometimes go number two), nor can I make you understand just how many tears of frustration I have shed at the discovery that, while in the middle of washing my hands, (which is already a skin drying process because of the low grade soap one consistently finds in a public or semi-public restroom - but that's a whole other blog post) I have forgotten to manually flush the toilet - and will have to return to the scene of the crime, flush, and wash my hands all over again.

This ridiculous disparity must be stopped. It's a travesty - it might very well be spreading e coli and salmonella - and it is seriously making me doubt my powers of observation.

Please, if you agree then tell the world...disseminate your anger on twitter and facebook...spread the word that #automaticfaucet/manualtoiletdisparity will not be tolerated!


*Although I must go on record that I don't have a problem with automatic toilets and manual faucets working in conjunction. There is no false advertising when you enter a public or semi-public bathroom and find a manual faucet...only a happy surprise when you enter the stall and find an automatic flush toilet in its manual brother's stead!

*This may well be the perfect solution!


  1. Personally, I've never understood the bathrooms that are hybrids. If you're gonna automate, why not automate it all? I have been in bathrooms with automatic toilets, automatic paper towels, and automatic soap dispensers, but held my hand under the faucet for a minute before I realized it had a knob. Really? They couldn't spare the extra 150 per faucet, but automated the soap? *sigh*

  2. In my country in most public (or any) restrooms the only automatic things are hand dryers, but they usually don't even work so I don't know if it counts. Don't know what is worse.

  3. I was just pondering this issue the other day! I didn't realize the toilets in a particular establishment were automatic and I felt like an idiot trying to figure out how to flush the damn thing. I left it un-flushed due to my failure as a flusher - only to be rewarded by a surprise flush upon leaving the stall. Colour me surprised! I stopped my swearing immediately, blushed at the lady leaving the stall next to me, and went to wash my hands ... manually.
    p.s. thank you for bringing sexy back.

  4. flush a manual toilet in a public bathroom with your out HAND? Gag! Use your foot! Brace yourself on the wall of the stall if your balance is off, but for god's sake never use your hand again.

  5. Joe aka AmberAddictDecember 16, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    I confess this isn’t an issue I’ve thought about much about. I’m not trying to down play it because it’s obviously something that has embarrassed you in the past I’m sorry about that. I haven’t encountered an automatic flushing toilet at least not in my part of the UK. I admit it doesn’t make sense to have an automatic toilet with manual taps and vice versa. They should have both or neither of them that way people aren’t made to feel awkward afterwards.

    PS It’s good to see you blogging it’s always a good read!

  6. I had a very similar conversation with my wife just last night on the way home from a very lover dinner in a really clean and upscale restaurant. She informed about the female public restroom dynamic. It nearly melted my brain.
    Amber my friend , I support your cause even if i don't understand most of it, Now how about those automatic hand dryers...

  7. I always remember a (probably apocryphal) tale of someone being killed by one of the first automated toilets back in the 1970s. Always reminded me of those films about machines possessed by demons and that had to be exorcised.
    They should all just be flushed away.

  8. Actually I'm not a fan of auto flush toilets, as I had one in Malaysia once flush while I was still sitting on it (I'd just shifted forward a bit I can't remember why). However, auto taps I LOVE because it means I don't have to use my nice clean hands to turn of the same tap I turned on with my dirty hands (and every person before me has also touched in the same way). I also prefer paper towels to hand dryers because a) hand dryers never work fast enough for my liking, even those new-fangled Dyson ones and b) it's been proven that wiping hands with paper towels is more effective at removing bacteria from your hands than actually washing them with antibacterial soap (and this is an experiment I replicated at Uni, at the same time we proved that beards were the the most disgusting thing known to man, even if they look clean, way worse than toilet seats or door handles or whatever). Something else to consider next time you are in a public toilet. :)

  9. Okay, Amber, you said it shouldn't make me laugh, but it did. But only because I know exactly how you feel!

  10. Wait til you have kids and all the automatic devices scare the business out of them! It's kinda funny and kind of annoying. And I can't believe I just used the phrase 'wait til you have kids...'

  11. I can't stand most automatic toilets because they A) too frequently flush while I'm still there, forcing me to do a little dance to keep them idle and B) (though this is many modern toilets, not just automatic) they flush with so much force that they turn into a bidet, splashing soiled water all over the seat. Which forces women to hover, and then not check to see if they dribbled.

  12. I enjoy the control that comes with a manual flusher. I like to imagine it as that button behind the office desk that you press when unwanted guests have overstayed their welcome.

    Flushing with mischievous authority as they fall into the trap door ... on the floor? What would you call that? I guess just the trap floor.


  13. The worst is having everything automatic... and then turning around to face the dreaded germ infested closed bathroom door. You suddenly have to become super strategic .. like ..Let's see.. if I grab some paper towel..or use my sleeve and right foot I can kick the door open. In a classy way of course.

  14. Just like one of you said, I hate automatic toilets because they flush whenever they want. Really, I can't really see a pattern there. You sit still, they flush, you blink, they flush, you get up... they don't. What the hell?
    And the dryers... Hate them too. They don't give you a choice (I mean, hosts, administrators, people who own these restrooms), no towels, just the dryer, and you stand there for like half an hour and your hands still wet.

  15. I HATE HATE HATE automatic flushers! Somehow I ALWAYS end up doing the crazy dance because they fail to recognise me as a human being XD (yes I am kinda skinny... But not THAT skinny!)
    Everything I have to touch in a public restroom I touch with my elbows anyway. That's why I DO hate manual taps, the kind you have to turn that is... Since you have to CLOSE them with your hand. No chance of doing that with your elbow.

    Oftentimes I just turn em on real soft, then get soap, then wash my hands and skidaddle, the person after me will have to close it, I am NOT taking all those poogerms with me!

    So next time you see me, make sure to steer clear of my germ-laden elbows :-p

  16. Umm, well, I just find it easier to *notice on my way in* if it's automatic or manual and just go with it. :-). Then again I've often been told I notice too much detail, lol.

    I only use my foot if I'm flushing something someone else left behind; I use my hand for my own exits.
    And the handle on the door, or anything else, doesn't faze me. I carry hand sanitizer in my pocket! And cortizone in my backpack for the dry skin....
    I like you as a humorist almost as much as a n actress. DaddyCatALSO

  17. Okay, Amber, you said it shouldn't make me laugh, but it did. But only because I know exactly how you feel!