I hate my jeans. Every pair I own drives me up the wall.
When I'm jonesin' for a little 'un-sex me here' time (thank you, lady Macbeth), all I want to do is put on a comfortable pair of jeans and zone out. But then I start trying on one pair after another in my closet and when none of them fit right, I totally lose my sh*t. I want to tear my hair out...and have been known to snivel upon occasion.
Which is the exact opposite of zoning out, thankyouverymuch.
And, seriously, all the body issue related hysteria that the search for a non-threatening pair of jeans brings up makes me feel more like a female than any dress ever could.
If you are a woman then you may already know my pain (and maybe some men out there identify, too - but you guys don't have to say anything, I know complaining about jeans isn't the most macho of pastimes - though I do have to say that I have a soft spot for men who are comfortable enough in their own masculinity to bitch about this kind of stuff with me):
I have two pairs of gray jeans (full disclosure: I am wearing one pair now) that I bought at Anthropologie. They are by a company called Adriano Goldschmied (AG for short) and I liked them for about the first two months that I owned them. They are very lightweight and soft with threads of metallic-looking material running through them.
I bought two pairs at the same time because I find that if there's an item of clothing I like, I will wear it until it dies. Until it literally curls up, falls off and dies. I've been chided by peeps for wearing the same thing two (or maybe three if we're being honest) days in a row. I think it's fine to do this so long as you change your underwear every day and the clothes don't stink too much after the first wear. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
I didn't try on both pairs of these gray jeans at the time of purchase and when I got home I discovered that not all jeans are created equally - even when they're the supposed to be the same. One of the pairs fit differently and was not as comfortable, but it wasn't horrible, so I kept them both.
I don't dry my jeans...I wash them in the washing machine then hang them up to drip dry. I am messy and klutzy and I spill crap on my clothes all day long, every day, and this is not ever going to change. I am incapable of keeping myself food and dirt free. Needless to say, this means that I have to wash my jeans on a semi-regular basis - or else I look like I'm wearing the household composting. Flecks of food and other junk stick to me like glue and it's just embarrassing after a while.
Anyhow, I have these jeans for two months and I love them...and then, after a few washes, I find that they just don't fit like they used to. They sag in the wrong places and they're tight at the waist which is awful and gives me a muffin top - and I like muffins so this shouldn't be the end of the world...but it kind of is for like two seconds.
I have another twin pair of jeans that I got off the sale rack at Macy's. They, like the gray ones, are twins, but they're dark blue and have the name 'jeggings' attached to them - which frightened me when I bought them and still frightens me to this day. They are from J Brand and I liked them a lot when I bought them because they were soft and not too tight...but after a few washes they started fading hardcore at the butt and now when I wear them, it looks like I pooed white stuff all over myself. Which is not a pleasant look for anyone - and I apologize to anyone I might have accidentally white poo flashed while wearing them.
I have some singletons in my closet. Jeans without a twin, lonely one offs that I very rarely go near, so I'm not even going to mention their flaws.
What I want to know is: Am I jaded? Do I fall out of love with these jeans too fast, am I too hard on them, expect too much from a bit of fabric? Or is what I'm really responding to the bill of false goods we're being sold when we slap all that money down on the counter: that this transaction will make us happy - when all it really does is make us financially poorer.
And then I get a hold of myself and stop being a nincompoop. There are
people starving out there, so I can just shut my trap about ill-fitting jeans. They're not magic for God's sake - they're blue jeans.